words by Williams

ghostwriting

Michael Brands - from the original 'Benglish'

Michael Brands is undoubtedly  a genius. He's also a  Belgian linguist, entrepreneur and inventor, who has registered something like six patents in the area of big data.

He founded Antwerp-based data management developers Consono as Dynactionize NV in 2014, having sold his first company, i.Know to American database manufacturer InterSystems two years earlier.

I was the native English voice and editor of Michael's book - Data Harmonization in the Key of C (or How to Tune Your Data), which came out at the beginning of 2020.

Michael speaks six languages and structures his sentences to suit. They would often blend into a kind of 'Benglish', backwards to an English ear..

It was an interesting process, recording Michael's thoughts, transcribing them into a readable, though sometimes still complex text, then self-editing.

This extract from the foreword of the book probably explains his philosophy in a nutshell:

"When people describe what’s universally known as ‘Big Data’, they define it in terms of Volume – the amount of data; Variety – the different types of data; Velocity – the speed at which data is being created and consumed; and Veracity – whether or not the data can be trusted.

"Three of the four tests talk about data quantitively, but if data was apples, it wouldn’t matter how quickly you had tons of different varieties delivered, if you couldn’t eat them fast enough or digest them properly.

"What is important is the semantics of data, not the structure. The structure should be a function of the meaning, not the other way around."

Sportspeople - Chuck Taylor and Graeme Souness

I credit Canadian ice hockey player Chuck Taylor alongside Welsh writer and poet Dylan Thomas as one of the major influences on the way I write.

Charles Andrew Taylor was a breath of fresh air to a young(ish) sports reporter brought up on the  "we done well, but we was robbed" school of football speak.

Always colourful, Chuck made writing his programme notes for Telford Tigers and a column he wrote for the Sporting Star, published by the Express & Star / Shropshire Star an absolute pleasure.

"Cow's arse with a banjo" was a favourite. The rear end became 'barn door' for family consumption. I also particularly liked "Check-up from the neck up."

It was a freedom and brightness of expression you didn't hear from sportspeople in those mid-to-late 1980s days.

I also wrote for the Aberdeen FC and Glasgow Rangers programmes, although rarely did I rise to the heights of the manager's column.

One time, however, I did get to write Graeme Souness's programme notes for the Rangers programme.

Souness had a fierce reputation as a tough-tackling midfielder in his playing days and a no-nonsense boss thereafter. I was intimidated before I even dialled his number.

When he answered the phone in such a genteel and gentle voice, I couldn't help but say "sorry, I was expecting to speak to Mr Souness."

He never actually said "Who is this idiot?", but, well, you know...

By the way, Telford Tigers have recently retired Chuck's No 21 shirt. These days he's a floor manager for the telly. He tells Cristiano Ronaldo when to kick off.

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